The draft I already have, she is just looking for me to develop some points in here and keep the STRICT CHICAGO MANUAL STYLE through the paper, feel free to add more or remove/tweak sources if you desire. I just need a good paper to submit by 9 and frankly I am screwed if I can’t get help here
Here are the comments she left on the draft
Keith, this draft puts some good ideas down on paper for the direction this paper can go. However, it is lacking coherence around a clear central thesis, explanations of central theories with references to the literature and a full explanation of various dimensions of the conflict. The paper needs to be structurally organized around your central thesis about which theory best explains the violence. You need to have a section that clearly explains that theory with references to readings and then connects the different pieces of the story you are telling to that central theory. If you want to make a case for instrumentalism – then organize the paper around that – how Chinese elites are reconstructing ethnicity and mobilizing violence against the Ughyrs for strategic ends. What evidence would support that argument and refute alternative explanations? You also need to fully explain the history of violence and you need to define the groups and actors in this conflict and lay out the claims they are making so that you can explain the extent to which this is an ethnic or nationalist conflict. What claims to self-government are Uyghrs making? Can you explain in more depth their opposition to the government? Also it is not clear whether terrorist acts have occured or whether that is fabricated by the Chinese government to justify exploitation of the Uyghur Muslims for strategic ends.
I circled some grammatical errors throughout the paper, however you are responsible for proofreading or taking your paper to the writing center to correct the many grammatical the errors throughout the paper.
I have made detailed comments throughout the paper, which I hope are helpful as you work on the final revised version. There are several places where you need to provide a lot more detail and explanation for the reader. Much of the paper is taken up by very long quotes – you should put these into your own words and then provide some citations. However, some of these sections do not seem as relevant to your central argument.Please also be sure to format your paper properly and to cite sources in Chicago Manual style correctly.
The breakdown of your draft grade according to the grading rubric is below.
Following directions: 8/10 – format paper correctly and be sure to address all prompts completely.
Thesis: 7/10 – You need to have an argument about what best explains the conflict. The paper should not try to apply every concept in class to the case. You should not argue for primordialism and instrumentalism. Either ancient grievances drive the conflict and identities or fixed or they are manipulated by elites for strategic ends. It can’t be both. Then be sure to explain instrumentalist theory and provide evidence to support it throughout the paper.
Evidence and Citations in Chicago Manual Style: 38/50 – There are several sections that need more thorough explanation and citations to sources. You need to be sure to substantiate all of your claims with references to the literature and be sure that the evidence you are giving (speech acts etc) support the argument you are trying to make. You need to properly format for Chicago Manual Style in throughout your paper and in the bibliography.
Writing Style and Organization: 24/30 – I have made several comments throughout your paper. You need to restructure your paper around why the conflict is important – central theory to explain it and then evidence that supports that theory. As it stands now, the paper does not cohere to tell a central convincing argument. Topic sentences should support central thesis. Please be sure to proofread carefully for grammatical errors. I have circled some errors, but you are responsible for proofreading the final draft of your paper. It may be helpful to make an appointment with the writing center.